Thank you, credit to REM for the title.

Feeling melancholy tonight. I’ve had about a week’s worth of weird dreams which have left me less than rested when I wake up. Not sure what that’s all about, but it’s been most unpleasant.

And then “A Thing” happened. I think you all know I left my job of NINETEEN YEARS at the end of September. I gave over a month of notice. I wrote detailed, like half-dozen’s of pages worth of instructions, for things I couldn’t train others for. I did in-person training of others for the rest. I’ve (timely) answered multiple phone calls and texts since I left to help answer questions only I can answer. I’ve offered multiple times to drop by and provide more help as needed. I may have left, but they are my family, and I want them to succeed even if I’m not there to help that in the day to day.

When I left there was very much an overall spirit of, you are leaving the job, but we’re always family, and we want to see you back to visit! And I’ve seen this played out in many others who have left before, who are invited back to parties and events because, supposedly, once you’re family, you’re always family.

Cut to Christmas time this year. The admin staff always have a party every year to celebrate and decorate. I always cut DOZENS of paper snowflakes for decorations across the whole office. No one else really knows how to do them, but we love them as part of our decorations. Before I left, the discussion amongst the staff was – don’t worry, I’ll come back and cut all the snowflakes you want, and see everyone! That was the plan. Everyone was excited.

But when it came time to schedule, my colleague who was coordinating everything was told by our boss that I wasn’t allowed to be invited. It would be “too disruptive and unfair while everyone was still getting used to my absence.”

WTF? What is this new standard from any we’ve ever had as part of our family CULTURE before? Did I not do enough to make this transition as smooth and fair and easy and work-family-oriented as possible? Did I offend in some way to deserve being ostracized? Again, WTF?

Honestly, this, THIS is so much of why I left in the first place. Everything has changed so much since 2020, and not just because of COVID. That culture of, “once you’re family, you’re always family”, that culture of “people first, mission second, because people RUN THE MISSION” is just gone. It’s become too much lip service.

So no paper snowflakes for me. No seeing my friends and beloved colleagues. It’s so arbitrary and hurtful and unfair. I did everything right and yet… again, other places – this is probably the norm. But it’s NEVER been been for us. I guess I just don’t understand why I’m the one on the outside, except that I’m the only one on the outside since 2020 when leadership changed. I guess that changes everything. I feel fairly heartbroken. And I just hope my colleagues, who expected to see me, based on our conversations before I left, don’t think this means I’ve forgotten about them, or don’t care about them.

I’d be there if I could. ❤️