Yeah, that pretty much sums up everything right now. I mean, I think it sums up how a lot of people feel about everything right now. One day is running into the next and they all look and feel the same. All I want to do is sleep all the time because, I mean – WHAT AM I GOING TO MISS??????

It’s so bad that even though the first draft of the book is finally finished, nothing has ever felt more anti-climatic. I mean, THREE YEARS, almost exactly, it took me to write it. After that much time and effort – finally saying “Okay, out into the (beta reader) world with you oh thing I have poured my heart into!” should feel like….. well feel like SOMETHING. But it really didn’t. Still doesn’t.

Everything these days is just meh, and who knows whether that is the depression, or the world, or a combination of both. Whatever it is, is that why it feels like this milestone isn’t a big deal? If so, that is just one more reason to be pissed at 2020. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BIG DEAL. This was supposed to feel satisfying and gratifying and exciting. But I’ve got nothing.

(In fact that “shouting text” up there in those paragraphs is for effect. I don’t even feel that much about not feeling that much.)

Maybe when I start getting actual feedback it will feel different – granted maybe that will be dread and depression if my book is as crappy as I fear it might be. But at this point, I’d actually welcome that. While I’d prefer being able to have a strong positive emotional reaction, my being able to have ANY reaction would feel good right now.