You must have known when I posted two posts in two days back in August that I was really blowing my wad so to speak. So yes, it’s been about 2 1/2 months since I put up new content. To be fair, shit’s been kind of nuts.

My neighbor is dying from brain cancer and will be leaving behind a wife and two kids ages 6 and 1. So we been working through that emotionally as well as trying to do everything we can to help her out.

Another friend of mine is going through really tough times and it’s heart-breaking to watch.

My husband’s dad has pancreatic cancer which in and of itself sucks, but is made all that more stressful because of their (lack of) relationship.

My kid has decided to lose his god damned mind. He’s constantly in trouble at school. He was sick today but his daycare mom didn’t really want to take him for the whole day because he’s been being such a jerk to her and the other kids when he’s not feeling well or upset. My neighbor really doesn’t want him to play with her kid much because he’s too rough and they always end up fighting. He has ZERO coping skills right now and falls apart if even the smallest things don’t happen exactly as he wants them to. He’s in therapy for what that’s been worth, which so far is nothing at least in terms of it making any noticeable difference.

I spent well over a week with a sinus infection/ cold/ thingy that left me vomiting up whatever I ate half the time because my stomach was so upset from all the post-nasal drip gunk ending up in it.

Twice now I have found an acupuncturist who’s been able to help some with my stress and anxiety but: The first place I had to stop going because of my insurance and how far it was from home; and the second place which takes my insurance and is only 10 minutes from house – after 3 sessions I found out they aren’t renewing that lease and I’d have to drive 30+ minutes to get to their other office, barring shitty traffic which is always shitty.

My 2 year old dog started having seizures Labor Day weekend and has had 2 weekend long trips to the vet ER, expensive monthly meds, and regular vet check-ups amounting to about $6,000 so far.

So my dog has nearly died twice and we are in serious financial not-looking-so-hot land because of it and a few other unexpected expenditures, cuz, you know, all the rest of this shit isn’t stressful enough without adding money stress.

And between that and how chaotic everything has been I have just missed fall completely. It’s my favorite season and I barely even registered it this year. Halloween is my favorite holiday and it’s Thursday but I feel nothing and have no costume or whatnot. It makes me so sad.

So yeah, my mental state has been, as you can imagine, on edge. I just have so many spoons going to other people and/or situations beyond my control that I don’t have much (sometimes any) left at the end of the day. I’m okay, if you know what I mean, but I’m exhausted and way more anxious and touchy than usual (which is saying something). We had friends over this weekend for a potluck and it was wonderful because we haven’t really seen much of them in a while and we miss them, but there was more than one point where I was ready to crawl out of my own skin at the “much-ness” of it all. I verged on a panic attack more than once.

Not to say there haven’t been some good things, too.

I gave a talk at a professional conference early this year on a topic and did some additional work on it at my practice level recently. It is turning into a research project and I get to be co-first author. A first and a big deal for a non-clinician on articles that will be published in a medical journal.

The next episode, one very personal to me, in the podcast series that I host for my professional society came out last week and has already gotten great feedback. I’m super proud of it.

Despite the finance issues, we were able to work with the venue, who were freaking AMAZING, so that we still get to do our 20 year vow renewal next month. In the grand scheme of things I realize this seems fairly unimportant, and under the circumstances still probably not a sound financial decision even with the huge discount they gave us, but you have no idea…… When we thought we weren’t going to be able to have it, it was truly the straw that would have made everything go from waving to drowning. We’ve cut almost everything entertainment / enjoyment wise out of our life to save money – no getting nails done, no Starbucks, no movies, very very rarely going out to eat, and a lot more. The emotional and mental impact that would have come from having to give up this event which means SO much to us and which we have been planning and looking forward to for over a year might have crushed us completely. But the event is going to happen so that’s something to be happy about, too.

And I leave for a work trip on Sunday, and any of you who read this blog KNOW that means stories of some completely ridiculous, what the hell, how did you get yourself into that/ how did that happen to you shenanigans are coming your way when I get back. I am incapable of traveling without some sort of catastrophe or insanity. So stay tuned!

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