The book continues to come together, though more slowly than is was going at first and way more slowly than I’d like – but that’s how it works. Not that I would know, but so I hear from my author-y friends and writers I follow on Twitter (and everything on Twitter is correct, right?)
SOOOOOO, since your wait is going to be even longer than originally expected (maybe mid-2018??), I thought it only fair to give you another little peek. Enjoy (I hope!)
(Warning – there is some foul language below)
Chapter 5: Confession Time
I don’t want to write this chapter.
It goes back to the fact that some things aren’t easy to say, no matter how important they are to talk about. But I know that the biggest evil surrounding mental health, past and present, is Silence.[1] And I know my reluctance is just my brain is trying to trick me into that very silence.
My brain is telling me my mental illness isn’t real.[2] I know so many people that are really struggling – they’ve been in and out of hospitals so many times, they’ve lost jobs, lost marriages, lost friends, they’ve tried dozens of different medications… These people have real problems. I haven’t earned the right to wear the badge of ‘struggling with depression.’[3]
It’s telling me that I’m just taking advantage of how ‘trendy’ it’s become to have mental health issues…[4]
It’s telling me that I’m not qualified, not able, not allowed, to write this book – maybe a different book, but not this one.
This chapter is my way of telling my brain it can go fuck itself.
[1] Actually, silence is the problem with A LOT of things in our world, judging by the events of the past few years, not to mention the past few days as I write this chapter in August of 2017… but I won’t go there.1a
1a At least for now….no guarantees about later.
[2] I mean – not in the “There’s nothing wrong with me, *I* don’t need help” kind of way. More the “You aren’t really sick. Liar! Faker! APPROPRIATOR!” kind of way.2a
2a ‘Cuz you know, like anyone would actually want to fake being CRAZY.3b
2b Well, except murderers trying to dodge justice. But I haven’t murdered anyone, I swear.
[3] What exactly would that girl scout badge look like, anyway??3a
3a And exactly what do you have to do to GET this badge?? “Ok girls, tonight we’re starting work on our Lunatic Badges!! First, go into a corner alone and silently criticize yourself for everything you have ever done. Good, good…. But more guilt, beat yourself down like you mean it – do you want your badge or not? Great! Now all this week – no getting out of bed and no school or social activities of any kind… in fact, don’t leave your house. Fantastic! Good luck girls! You’ll all be sporting your badges in no time!”
[4] But Moooooooom, all the cool kids are doing it!