I think the universe was screwing with me earlier today.

First…

we went to Walgreens to pick up my meds. We always use the drive-thru, especially when we’re on our way somewhere like we were today. But it was closed (?!?!).

So now I have to go into the store.

THEN…

I realize I’ve forgotten my phone at home. Rather than add more delay to our trip, Dave leaves me to grab the stuff by myself while he goes home to get my phone. So into the Walgreens I go, and without even having any backup.

And…

there’s a line. A LONG and slow moving line.

Then…

I’m stuck listening to the two people in front of me in line, who clearly don’t know each other, but are having an animated and loud conversation about the best way to kill rats. They’re really getting into it. Then the guy gets called up to the counter.

And…

without skipping a beat the woman turns to the closest person to her (that would be me) and continues the conversation as if I’d been a part of it from the beginning. If you know me, you know there are several problems with this. First, I hate talking to people. I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone feels this need to hold vigorous and ongoing conversations at all times, even with strangers.  Second, I’m not really sure why she clearly assumed that I had any experience, knowledge, or interest in the topic of rat control (This really got me questioning my choice of clothing for the day – I mean, what kind of vibe was I giving off here? Oh well, guess this dress is going in the trash…) ( BTW, my phone autocorrected vibe to wine… I think my phone knows me far too well.)

🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷

But it can’t get worse, right?

Just when I think the fact that she’s even talking to me at all is bad enough, she really went for the gold. She started talking about how she’d seen this rat around that was pregnant and she was really hoping that she caught it before it had those babies… and lo and behold, there it was in the trap!! And do you know what? Even after she finished drowning it, she could still see its stomach moving and she was like, “oh well, I guess the babies are still alive in there, at least for now. But I’m sure that won’t last long now that mom’s dead.”

…😱

Stop stop stop stop STOP!!!

How is this conversation happening to me? How am I stuck standing here with this stranger who’s gleefully talking to me about her little rodent snuff film, and clearly expecting me to be like “oh yeah, that’s awesome!” I mean I get it, wild rats carry diseases and you can’t just have them traipsing around your house. But Jesus woman, could you tone it down a little??

I manage to plaster on what I hope was a neutral face and make some kind of positive-ish non-committal sound, while SCREAMING INSIDE. (Clearly I succeeded because she seemed completely undeterred and continued to chat away about her rat infanticide reign of terror. Or maybe she was just that damned clueless.) Either way, I was SO FREAKING RELIEVED when they called her up to the counter.

UNTIL…

without breaking stride, she picks up the conversation right where she left off with the guy from before who is standing at the register next to her.

And then…

 she had to repeat it AGAIN when the lady comes back with her prescriptions. And at this point, the babies have gone from ‘moving’ to a full on in-utero foxtrot while she mercilessly cackled from above.

Please. Stop. Talking.