I mean really, who needs sleep anyway? 🙄

So insomnia has been a companion of mine for quite some time. My particular friend comes in many different forms, just to keep things interesting. Sometimes it’s a “can’t fall asleep” kinda thing. Sometimes it’s a restless sleep/vivid or uncomfortable dreams kinda thing. Sometimes it’s a “wake up after just a few hours” kinda thing.

This last one has been quite common lately. It seems like my body had decided that I only need to sleep in 4 hour increments. You could set a freaking clock by how on the nose this is. The pattern – sleep for 4 hours, be awake for about 3-4 hours, sleep for another 4 hours.

Now you might argue that on most days of my life, now that I no longer work outside of home, that this isn’t a big deal. I totally have the ability to sleep from 11-3, then again from 7-11. I mean, that’s 8 hours, right? So what’s the problem?

Well, it’s not that simple. First of all one might argue that the broken up sleep isn’t a restful as 8 continuous hours, and I wouldn’t argue with that. Secondarily, the inability to be asleep in the middle of the night when everyone else is is deeply psychologically disturbing in nature. I WANT to be asleep. I’m SUPPOSED to be asleep. WHY CAN’T I SLEEP??? I’m not someone who particularly likes being 100% alone (I do best with a Dave nearby, even if we’re doing different things,) so the stretch of quiet, dark aloneness is not actually very pleasant for me at all.

It really messes with you. You will do *anything*, try anything, to be asleep at night when everyone else is. It crosses the line between desire and desperation, something I truly don’t think anyone who doesn’t experience it can understand.

And trust me, I’ve tried a bazillion things. I’ve pretty much been on every single non-addictive sleep med known to man. Nope, no dice. I’ve tried Sleepytime Tea. Yeah, not so much. I’ve tried CBN gummies. They seemed to help ever so slightly, but not nearly enough to make it worth the price. In the past I tried melatonin, and enough of it will make me sleep. The problem was that “enough to finally make me sleep” also left me feeling like a fog-engulfed zombie in the morning.

My latest attempt, just started tonight, is magnesium. Apparently having the “right” amount of it in your system can help you sleep. So I found these patches that have magnesium, a small amount of melatonin, valerian root (we’re back to Sleepytime Tea,) and hops (which supposedly also help with sleep.)

The jury is out. Despite following the directions and applying the patch 2 hours before bedtime, it still took me forever to fall asleep and ultimately I still woke up after 4 hours. However the directions indicate it may take consistent use over multiple days to see the “full effect.” So who knows, maybe there’s still a chance it will work.

In the meantime I’m typing 5:30 am blog posts, hanging out with my cats, munching on a little snack. I’m looking forward to 7:00-ish to roll around because that’s about when I’ll inevitably get tired again and crawl back into bed. Yup, that’s where I’m at. 🤷‍♀️