Something a little different on The Tangent Girl Volumes today. Yesterday was a big day for the hubby and he’s taking over today. Enjoy!
A long time coming.
Yesterday I turned 43, and we had a kid free day to ourselves as part of the celebration. It’s been a big year – one that’s seen a lot more of Davie – but yesterday was a day that was probably peak Davie.
After a quick lunch, we went to an appointment at David’s Bridal. We’re coming up on 20 years married, and in the talking about how different we were back then, Tiffani mentioned that since I wasn’t out at the time, I never got to go through the experience of wedding dress shopping. So in the name of having some fun we set an appointment, I got girlied up, and we went.
I’ve been out and open about my genderfluidity for long enough that I’m an open book – so I didn’t have any “what if someone finds out” nerves, my plan was to be forward about being gender fluid. Granted, I still had those “OMG this is like a dream come true I can’t believe it’s happening” nerves – this is the sort of thing that I’ve dreamed about, well, for decades.
But, back to the appointment. We got there, and it was packed. As we’re going in, a little girl on the way out looks at us wide eyed and says in her little baby lisp, “it’s chaos in there.” And she wasn’t kidding. Between brides and bridesmaids and proms, it was packed. So we checked in and started browsing the racks. Actually looking through the dresses was such fun – we both had ideas of what looks “weddingy”, but also wanted to keep an open mind. So when our consultant came over, we pointed out a half dozen different dresses, covering a variety of styles and cuts, and we went back to the changing room while our consultant combed the racks for dresses in my size.
One thing I’ll say – not that I’m really surprised – but our consultant took the “I’m queer and these aren’t natural” without missing a beat. I intended to be completely up front about things – and really I kind of had to – without natural cleavage, there’s certain dress styles that just wouldn’t work. When we found a dress that had exposed sides, and we were concerned about my bra showing, she thought for a minute before suggesting built in cups to hold everything in place.
But of all the girly experiences, it’s hard to think of something that competes with wedding dress shopping. Having someone bring in these absolutely beautiful but ridiculously extravagant dresses, having Tiffani there to help me in and out and to help manage the sheer amount of dress, and then walking out of the fitting room and seeing yourself in the mirror. The first dress I tried on was a ball gown, with a dusty pink tulle, and a white lace overlay. It’s kind of hard to describe, but there’s something unique about trying on a wedding dress. You can just feel it – standing there while Tiffani would adjust it, zip it, doing the buttons up the back. The lace and beading of the bodice holds you, the weight of all that fabric and the way the train swishes behind you as you walk. And to walk out of the fitting room and out in front of all the mirrors – it had that slow-mo feel, like walking into a dream world and seeing a beautiful woman in a white gown, only that woman was actually me. And to be able to walk out into that room of mirrors, to twist the train around and to glance over my shoulder, and just seeing all of the intricate detail, and the way it’d drape over the shape of my body – I’d dreamt of doing this for literal decades. And here I was, it was finally happening.
So I tried on several dresses, mostly ball gowns and A-lines, but unfortunately our consultant couldn’t find some of the dresses in my size. But we didn’t want to leave without trying on a sheath dress, as that’s a style that’s worked well for me in regular dresses. So she went off, and came back with a dress – an off white sheath, with a lace overlay, and a sleeveless illusion top. Tiffani helped me put it on, and as she was, she said “I think you’re going to love this.” And before I could even see it I suspected she was right – the way the lace came up over my shoulders, and the sleekness of the sheath style compared to the ball gowns. Walking out of the fitting room, the first glimpse in the mirrors confirmed Tiffani’s thought, and when our consultant added a little bit of bling in the form of a belt, adding a little definition to my waist and a little something extra to the silhouette, and that was it – I didn’t want to take it off. I actually put it back on a second time before we left. So, even though we were just there for some fun, it was really tempting to make an excuse to buy that dress.
After dress shopping, plans were to go do pedicures. But since we were down near Elkridge, and I’d been considering some additional piercings, and Tiffani wanted to talk about her next tattoo idea, she suggested we head over to the tattoo/piercing shop we go to.
I got my first ear pierced over 20 years ago. One hole in the left, followed by another in the left and one in the right. Pierced ears was one of those “girly” things that I always wanted to do, and starting with a hole in the left was an “acceptably manly” way to get to the point where I could wear earrings in both ears when I would crossdress. But even with that, I’ve always wanted to get additional piercings – a little hoop in the upper ear, maybe a stud through the daeth, or maybe a stud in my nose. I’d never really had the confidence to do it though, I got heckled enough for having girly long hair in high school that it was hard for me to get past it. But now that I was out, it was on the list of things I’d always wanted to do and no longer saw a reason not to.
Granted, I may have gone a little overboard at first. Tiffani’s “why not?” and some browsing of pictures had me ready to go get about 8 new piercings. We saw the picture of a triple front helix piercing, and I was ready to do that in both ears, as well as my nose and a couple hoops in the upper ear. Tiffani was taken aback – like I said it was too much too quick – and I don’t think she was ready for me to make so many changes. But in all honesty, getting them all done at once likely would have been more than I was really ready for – the excitement of doing something I’ve always wanted to do temporarily overran my own common sense.
But, back to the shop. After looking through pictures of all the options, I went in looking for three studs in the front helix of my right ear, but the piercer said that he felt two was really the limit. So I went with two, with little crystals, in my right ear, adding to the two in my left lobe and one in my right. For now, at least. I’ve always loved the look of multiple piercings around the outside of the ear, so these two are just the first.
After piercings we then went for a pedi for Tiffani and a mani/pedi for me. I was hoping to add tips as well, since I had broken a few of my natural nails, but the place we ended up at didn’t do tips. So I opted for the dip polish on the manicure in a soft purple, to coordinate with the light purple I did on my toes.
Needless to say, it was a day to remember. On top of three Davie days in a row at work this week, a first, having a day where – from start to finish – it was dedicated to my feminine side, there was a certain amount of confirmation of Davie as a part of me.
It wasn’t a day of pretending, it was a day of doing.
This is MY blog after all so I feel the right to chime in. 😁 The day was amazing for Davie, but it was really awesome for me to.
In my memory I can only remember one time in the past where I ever saw a look of such awe, such pure unfettered joy in Davie eyes, and that’s the day we got married. Nervous at first but absolute **LIGHT** that came into her when her eyes first hit the mirror… it’s one of the most awesome things I’ve ever witnessed. And just watching the confidence, the naturalness as dress after dress went on, it was amazing.
And it was kind of nice. My own wedding dress shopping was kind of a nightmare. I was in tears more than once. Being so overweight in a wedding salon is no fun. I think it’s gotten better but back then, after 3 salons if only been able to zip into 2 dresses. There’s nothing like standing on a dias surrounded by mirrors and dozens of people and having the consultant (loudly) say, “Sorry, we don’t keep samples in such large sizes, well just have to hold them up in front of you and you can get an idea what it would look like.” So in a way, being able to enjoy the process allowed me to share some joy in the process this time too.
And then there was that sheath dress. It’s funny, like Davie said, I was halfway done zipping it up and I said, “You are going to LOVE this one.” I couldn’t even really see what it looked like yet, but I just knew. Now there may have been some cussing on my part doing up the buttons (so beautiful but what a pain in the ass!!) but it was SO. WORTH. IT. As soon as Davie turned around I said, “That’s it. That’s perfect.” It was just so… Davie. When we did the whole treatment including the sparkling belt and a mantilla style lace veil…. I’m not sure, but I think there may have been a few teary eyes all around. Truly one of the most amazing moments in my life.
It just makes me even sadder for those that don’t have their loved ones accept them. I’m not saying it isn’t hard, and I’m not saying I’ve be chill about every step along the way, or that I take every step in the future in stride. But how you could look at someone you love, and see what I saw yesterday, and still not at least feel joy in their joy… it’s hard to believe those people even know what the meaning of love really is.