There and Back in 13 Minutes

So I was thinking about my next post yesterday because I wanted to be sure to get one up here before I left for vacation for a week.

Who’s going to the Caymans?  WITHOUT HER KID???? THIS GIRL!!!!


And I realized I’ve been pretty strict with myself in terms of editing these posts (no comments from the peanut gallery – I’m not talking about my fifteen typos and twice as many grammatical errors). I’ve been trying to keep the content of each post streamlined and “on topic.” But what the hell? I’m the Tangent Girl and these are MY Volumes for a reason! So the heck with that – today you get the uncensored version. Welcome to My Brain.


I got up this morning thinking about posting and decided I would write something about the drama of the past few days. So I was focused on how I would write it, and what I would include or wouldn’t…

So at first it didn’t register, when my son asked me around 8:40am (this is important – take note) when we were getting ready to head out the door –  “Why are there cages in our living room?” But after about 30 seconds, I was like, wait hold up… did he say cages??? Then I realized he was talking about the cat carriers, which are in the living room because my husband is taking the cats to the vet for their shots this afternoon.

And that reminded me that I needed to ask my daycare mom about watching our cats while we are away. My husband was supposed to do it but I wanted to be sure we were all set.

And that reminded me that it was Friday and I needed to bring her a check for my son’s daycare. But I decided not to write the check yet because I wanted to be sure she was watching the cats before I included extra money for that.

So I grabbed the checkbook to put in my purse, which was next to a pile of clothes that I’d ordered for several friends (I am the Lularoe Bargains Queen) that I hadn’t had a chance to give them yet. And one of the dresses had a small tear which I needed to repair and I kept meaning to check to see if I had any fabric fusing in my sewing supplies. So I put the checkbook down for a minute and went into my office to look while I was thinking about it.

And man, my office has really become a mess over the past few weeks. I need to hang my new whiteboard and get my laptop station set up so that I can work on the book more easily at home. I’m not sure yet how I want to do that. I HATE having anything on my desk permanently because I like a completely clear workspace, but where should I put my laptop and docking station? On an under-desk tray? On a cabinet next to my desk? On a shelf on the wall?

Though the whiteboard is going on the wall above my desk so that won’t work.

Except, my monitor was supposed to be mounted on that wall, so now where is that going to go?

Oh, and I need to make my beach bag!! I’d bought a plain bag from Amazon before I started creating things on Zazzle so I’m just going to make my own bag this time with some iron-on transfers. And anyway, I don’t think a Zazzle order would have arrived before we flew out.

Should I pull my passport out now and put it in my suitcase with my clothes? I doubt I’ll forget it, but you never know. But I’d rather keep it in my purse not my suitcase because the suitcases are getting checked and I’d hate to be like, “So sorry, you can’t go on vacation because your passport is in the suitcase which IS on the plane even though now YOU can’t get on the plane because you don’t have your passport.” But I don’t want to carry it around with me for the next two days because I’m terrified I’ll lose it. But I figure, I still need to pack toiletries and jewelry before I go anyway, so I’ll just deal with it then.

And you know, I really need to organize my jewelry better. I’ve really gotten into bracelets lately but my current storage system has NO means of holding these, so they’re just scattered all over the shelf next to my jewelry box. Which is super annoying. I wonder if I can find something at Ikea? But how big would it need to be? And also how many different compartment would I need to sort all the different colored bracelets (I’m a bit OCD about arranging clothes and accessories… and pencils…. and sewing thread… ok fine – EVERYTHING by color).

“Mommy, is it time to go?” Oh crap it’s 8:42am, definitely time to get moving. I quickly write a check and we run out the door.

We get to the daycare mom’s and I confirm that yes they are watching the cats and realize that no, I did not remember to wait to write the damn check until I knew that. So I tell her I’ll have the hubby bring one for the difference, but she’s like don’t worry about it… but before I can argue with her, our conversation gets interrupted by her dog Raven.

It’s so weird. I mean I LOVE ANIMALS, and I always give them lots of attention, so there are very few pets that don’t like me. But Raven doesn’t like me, she LOVES me. Like, we all think she might actually love me more than her own people.


So I’m walking to my car to head to work and I remember this funny story from when two of my friends got married. Before the wedding the girls were hanging out in the upstairs of his parents’ house and the guys were in the basement. I wasn’t in the wedding so I was acting as a bit of a go-between. I go down to tell the guys everything is starting in about 10 minutes, and they’re all like, “Be careful coming down the stairs!!! Mom’s bird is at the bottom and SHE’S EVIL!” And I’m like, “No she isn’t!! Hello Sunshine, are they being mean to you?” I start singing to her and she crawls off her perch onto my shoulder and starts dancing and preening my hair. All the guys are like, “What the HELL?? She’s tried to kill everyone else who’s come down those stairs!! DO EFFING BLUEBIRDS GET YOU DRESSED IN THE MORNING???”

But see, the week before I’d seen his mom sing to the bird and that’s how she got the bird to calm down and come to her. I’d been inside at the time getting some paper towels because right after eating a huge spaghetti dinner the bridal party went outside to practice the medieval dance they were all going to do at the wedding, but it was hot as HELL out, and one of the bridesmaids had gotten sick.

I really do hope this sore throat and congestion I have right now goes away before we leave on Sunday. The sore throat’s definitely better and it won’t slow me down, but we’re supposed to do an assisted dive and that will certainly be a problem with head congestion.

I wonder if there are sharks near where we are diving? Christ, am I going to travel all the way to the Caribbean for the first time only to become a shark’s lunch?

Hey – I’m going to the CAYMANS!!!!!

Who’s going to the Caymans? THIS GIRL!!!!


But it’s 8:53am and I’ve pulled into my last day at work before I go away and have a lot to do (you know, I really love living so close to work!), so I guess I better get going!

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Tiffani Panek

Wife of more than 20 years, mom, wrangler of a houseful of furbabies, and certified crazy person... Writing has always been a passion. I'm also an avid reader of everything from sci-fi/fantasy to historical accounts of creepy medical history. My first book A Home For Baby Acorn can be found on Amazon and Blurb, and my first adult venture - Wait, What Were We Talking About - will be available (hopefully) in 2018.

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