To get you through HUMP DAY, I’m making good on my promise to include little sneek peeks of the book.
Hopefully this will encourage you to continuing following the blog in hopes of more teasers in the future. AND hopefully get you excited to read all of Wait, What Were We Talking About? later this year!! (Though it’s just as likely you’ll read this snippet and be like “Meh, glad you posted this bit so I don’t to waste my money buying the whole book.”… It’s a chance I have to take. Yup, that’s me – livin’ dangerously.)
A couple of notes for you, since you’re not getting the benefit of all the intro info in the book itself:
- I use annotations, versus putting stuff in parenthesis (like I do in the blog). You can follow the numbers to the corresponding thoughts at the bottom (just click the number in the body text to be brought to the correct annotation). As I say in the book, I highly recommend you read the annotations as you go. But hey, whatever floats your boat.
- For any youth or sensitive folks out there – I try to keep the language here in the blog clean-ish, but I have no such restraint in the book. If foul language bothers you, you should probably just skip the rest of this because it has not been censored.
All materials contained herein are the sole property of the author. Any use of these materials without the author’s consent is prohibited.
Cleanliness Is Next To Deadliness
I set off a fire alarm with a shower.
This happened in the Middle East. In Saudi Arabia no less. But let me start at the beginning…
Working in the world of academic medicine as an administrator can be challenging. But I’m fortunate to work with a group of leaders dedicated to giving their staff every possible opportunity, and one such chance came when my Director asked me to be part of the consulting team being sent to Saudi. I was surprised, elated, and quite honored. I was also pretty nervous.
A month before we left, I received a generic organizational email.
… observe all laws about dress and behavior as police may detain or assault travelers suspected of breaking them. Carry a card apologizing in Arabic for any unintentional offence….
… a female US national was arrested for sitting in a coffee shop with a male colleague and detained in prison for several hours, strip searched, and forced to sign a confession.
… Islamic court rulings, for Muslims and non-Muslims, are frequently influenced by gender, and penalties are often harsh, including capital and corporal punishment.
My fellow female teammate and I found this understandably… ominous. We got in touch with our international team and they were still like, “Nah, it’s FINE. You’ll be FINE. We’ve been there lot of times. Pay no mind to the horribly terrifying sounding official information you received.”
I was not convinced.
 Just two lines in and this story just keeps getting better, right? It’s like – it isn’t enough that this even HAPPENED, but I chose to do it in another country. And not just any old easy-going European country, no! When I decide to do an incredibly unfathomable thing, I go all out. It’s tough being an overachiever, but I do my best.
 In a fair fight, this statement would totally make the list of “Top Ten Understatements in the World.” My peeps know I’m right.2a
2a ‘My peeps’? Seriously, who do I think I am, Snoop Dog?2b
2b Though, I’m pretty sure insinuating that Snoop Dog would ever say something as stupid as ‘my peeps’ is a complete insult to Snoop Dog. Sorry, Snoop, my bad.
 Actually… a little bit terrified. I mean we don’t exactly get a happy, safe image of Saudi here in America, especially for women. But our team assured us it was perfectly safe. Still, I managed to imagine pretty much every nightmare scenario possible in those first few days after being asked.4a
3a Although, as I was to learn – not EVERY nightmare scenario. There are somethings that are just too unbelievable to ever be imagined.
 Wait, assault??? Does that say assault???
 Jesus Christ – PRISON? And STRIP SEARCHED??? CONFESSION????
 Hold the fucking phone… Corporal punishment… CAPITAL PUNISHMENT – like as in DEATH?!?!?! In what world is this considered “perfectly safe”? What fucking dictionary are you using to define your words, folks, because it’s a totally different one from the one I, or any other FUCKING SANE PERSON, are using!
 Moreover, my fucked-up anxious brain was sure as HELL not convinced. It was all like, “What the hell, woman? Why do I need to intervene here to tell you this is a terrible-stupid-crazy idea? Pull your head out of your ass!”7a
7a (1:00 am) … “have you come to your senses yet?”7b
7b (2:00 am) … “How about now? No… here, let me you play you this little video I made for you! There you are, beautiful sand dunes behind you, warm sun on your head… oh wait, that’s your head on the ground – no longer connected to your body… isn’t it just GREAT??? Moron…”7c
7c (2:17 am) … “Don’t make me pull out the big guns – I will sing the Macarena directly into your brain on volume 12 out of 10 if you don’t give up on this idea right now!” 7d
7d (2:59 am) … “HEY MACARENA!!!!!” 7e
7e (3:23 am) … “I-DON’T-CARE-IF-I-DON’T-KNOW-SPANISH – HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY MACARENA!!!!!!”7F
7F (3.45 am)… “Hey, remember that time when you got really drunk and totally tried to sexy dance to the Macarena in front of all those people? I bet you they haven’t forgotten it…”7g
7g (3:50 am) … “Ready to give in yet?”